advice

Failure: What’s good advice to anyone failing?

Mickey Rooner on Failure

What’s my advice to persons who just failed?

Put your failure in your wallet. Have it there as your legal tender. It can buy something for you. Between you and your success, there is your failure.

SubjectMe, Meinrad Socien

Just because you have failed, it doesn’t mean that what you were and what you are doing is what can lead to failure.

You may not like it when you fail. But don’t hate it when you fail. The first thing is you must learn from your failure and you cannot learn from a teacher you hate. The other thing is not liking it is different from hating it.

Keep trying when you fail if your heart is telling you that you love that run you have not won yet. I would rather feel the hate in what I love than feel the love in what I hate. Feel the doom in what you love the most than promises in what your heart isn’t ticking for. One day it will come right.

Failure is not an invention. If you fail it’s not that someone invented the kind of failure you are in. Take a deeper look into you because it is you whom you must correct to come up with a machine born to succeed. The majority would rather distance themselves and put their failure somewhere far so that they can be safer from it and fail to understand it and fail to learn from it and fail again. But there are ways to bring in a failure into bringing in your success.

Success is about how many capabilities you build. When you fail it means you are some capabilities before success. To catch up you need to keep multiplying your capabilities. It’s painful such capabilities but not like watching yourself remain in that failure forever.

Related: In your journey to success, these thoughts can get you far

Apparently, if you are always right everything becomes wrong. When you fail allow it to be much more of how others solve issues between them and their partners. They just avoid being correct and admit that they are wrong. When you fail you are advised to ask yourself “what went wrong?” and “what’s my fault in this wrong?” and to choose answers to such questions that are not self-biased.

Put your failure in your wallet. Have it there as your legal tender. It can buy something for you. Between you and your success, there is your failure. Avoid not going through that bridge. You are making a serious wrong. You grow through a failure, and that type of growth is called “growing in strength“.

In the making of a failure, there is always something that you avoided you shouldn’t have avoided; something you should have avoided you didn’t; something that you missed you shouldn’t have; something you didn’t miss you should have missed.

Among winners in the major wars fought there are some losers who we say to have won the war when the losses they have made are immense. Think of it if being on the winning side doesn’t really mean you are a winner, being on the losing side is not designed to mean that you are really a loser. Lose while in your path to ultimate victory. Fail while determined to ultimately win.

Think long-term. Then work on it. Results don’t have to come yesterday or today or even tomorrow. It’s possible to win the game with consistency and patience being your both arms that with confidence and endowment being your footstool.

If you are playing the game and losing over and over, it may mean that you haven’t tried to play it in your own game. Give yourself a position and an environment that can allow you to strike a difference.

Build good habits and put formality in them. So that it can cease to be just making sure that when you are an author writing 300 words when you wake up is the first thing to do but writing them on a perfect desk instead of your bed is the first to do. We are all habitual beings. A good habit system keeps us on the good side of what we are (habitual). Formality gets us to respect what we are (habitual) and what we aspire to be through the habits.

Focus. Live like a normal person with an abnormal purpose on the planet. Allow your body to rest and feed it well, and if you respect it it can work for you without a flaw. A failure is not the end of it all. It may be a new twist to the story, a story that relies on the script you write.

How to avoid toxic words and win a tension-free relationship

I have been with avoiding toxic words before they create tension for months before August 2021. Then I tuned in to the radio on the 18th of August 2021. There a presenter gave a situation and and question for listeners to answer. Your partner breaks your phone when it’s needed the most; when the biggest deal is about to happen through it. You are in any public space filled with professionals. You shout at him/her.

One stranger who is to your partner is of an opposite sex steps in and gives straight cash and your partner takes it. The stranger says clean words before departure and toss a business card to your partner: “In case it’s not enough I can help.”

All this appear as if the stranger has just said to your partner buy this noisemaker the lost toy. What can be your response?

  1. When things go wrong think first before you may correct them.

Between when things go wrong and when you intervene is usually a small window, and the window is small by default. Don’t change the size of that window. Be fast in making your mouth talk in the most smarter way you can achieve. Quickly think the things to say, the examples to pick and the “do you still remembers” to put in. After that think of how best to say them.

In the broken phone situation above, your partner did what was bad. You responded badly. Your partner then responded worst. If you allow it to keep going that way worst can make a nemesis.

Quickly getting to talk is not wrong, losing what to talk is. In his book Blink : The Power of Thinking Without Thinking  Gladwell argued, they are times when haste don’t make waste.

  1. We sometimes build a confrontational relationship to prove who is the boss. It’s wrong.

When none between the two is up to suggesting but charging things. A simple word can result into another which only turns into another. It’s all about proving who is the boss.

When one fails to win s/he waits for another cycle to start and make sure that s/he will be on top of the game when the climax hits in. It is hard to avoid toxic words in such a setup. Before you make it to your partner expressing your wish to end confrontational conservation and actions reverse first out of them.

  1. Find your way out not your way in.

That time you see yourself as already tension and as already causing one is key. Pull out when you think that you are marching into that territory. You are for each other, so let each other be for you. Normally is satisfies to be in the right side or to prove that your on the right. But when you are in love, you must be a loser for the sake of your winning relationship.

  1. Know your biggest source of conflict and discuss it.

Discuss it fearlessly alone or with a mediator involved. Just knowing that when things go this way, this is how fast I may need to go helps. Also have the courage to have yourself not your partner the causation of the conflict.

  1. Don’t revenge, solve.

This is a smarter people approach and we are all smart people. Smarter people don’t seek revenge, they seek a way forward. Smarter people see a crisis as an inspiration. To them vengeance doesn’t quite get to recover what’s lost. They recover what’s lost by creating new things, new bigger things.

  1. Talk when you are in good shape

Wait for your cooling down. Be in the best version of the plain you before you can talk when you need to talk or even settle things out. Healing what’s wounded takes sympathy. Sympathy is welcome to the best version of you than the bad version of you.

I believe a storm can not solve anything by remaining a storm. It must calm down into clear skies to be something that can mean repair than harm. Of course, beer is not a behaviour but you don’t wait for the time you are drunk. You can’t talk about it just when you are in anger about it.

  1. Know if it can make any difference to talk about it.

May be it is a reading room. Your partner walks in and talk while you are concentrating. His/her stay is just for a minute. Does rebuking him/her make any difference? 

We are ready to talk even when it is not necessary and it is not good. There are expectations when they are not met, we are not somewhere we are in love and tolerating the missed expectations is not bad.

  1. Find ways to communicate your expectations.

May be your wish is to find the both of you home before 7pm and you know that’s possible. Communicating an expectation (the wish) is “I am passing through your workplace and I will fetch you home”. To communicate is not to do it the other way round. Because it is you finding ways to have your partner home at 7, you can always try another route as each day demands until your partner understands.

Sometimes it takes your transparency to communicate an expectation. In most of the time it takes just communicating an expectation and never breaking what you expect from your partner.

  1. Don’t hate yourself or feel hated

Because you can drown anyone into that hate and end reaping a magnified suffering. Probably a person in peace with himself or herself is a good source of words that sparkles.

Don’t look into yourself and see terror you can’t freeze, darkness and failure of the past and rejection.

Adapting to not being understood by those you depend on.

Adapting to not being understood *Canva

 Adapting to not being understood by those you depend on.

Being misunderstood by those you have not a choice but to depend on in making your story of life can put you on the verge of extinction. Adapting can have you change that and reverse your extinction. The seeing minds kind of adapting isn’t fighting for what you want, it’s influencing people to get what you want from them or finding means to be without what you want from them.

Extract help.

If you want spiritual or financial help putting you under the most spiritually or financially successful won’t change much. You need to extract help. So that when you are given what’s meant for “this” you turn it into another direction “that”. Take things the way they are never intended to be taken to make the most positive means. If pocket money and or donated money and not much in someone’s hands stays so it will never make a greater impact than when it is taken by the beholder as “breakthrough money”.

“You have been raised badly,” said my uncle over and over. When I allowed myself to take his words as half-true instead of being offended by them, I changed myself in many aspects for the good. Every helper is with his/her own ways of helping or giving and such ways are good if you don’t take them as conditions. Extract the help.

I would later write:

The younger knows the senior is lost but he cannot revolt, because revolting is not the right way to carve up his future. The younger must play, learn so, and proceed to carve up a future favourable to him. A future that is a result of the senior’s input and his learning, and a result of him refining the senior’s input. ~SubjectMe 05Nov2020.

You should:

Never live in anyone else’s expectations. The people you depend on and your progenitors have made you. [But] they have not made what you will become. ~SubjectMe 07Aug2021.

Don’t correct them. Correct your future.

Don’t waste your time correcting the past, correct the future. You cannot change them admit that. Focus on what you’ll become not on what they’ve managed to become. To focus is to fail to stay out of yourself and, therefore, discover or rediscover yourself, not them.

The seeing minds approach encourages you to discover things not just to see them. And it’s possible to discover ways to go about it when you are the misunderstood and adapt to not being understood.

Do act. Talk zero and prove that you deserve to be understood and be given help.

Actions! Right actions can prove you right. Go into extremes in proving yourself right. It takes a lot and it doesn’t ruin you.

Maybe it’s your parents misunderstanding you and you need their help. Some adapting to not being understood is necessary. When you keep finding means to and growing when conditions are not allowing it you are only doing yourself a big favour. You are like that cactus tree (I’ve heard that in Australia cactus is an adjective and they use it to explain disorder).

Understand them.

Know what they like and what they don’t. The art of winning a war is having the best knowledge about all the things involved, including what you are fighting for, through and with.

Know what they are and what they are not and build your proper ways of dealing with them like a hostage who wants life. You can always know what to do to win their understanding and know the costs involved in winning their understanding.

Walk alone.

You stay flat about your plans. It works if the depth of their misunderstanding on what you want to become is immense. You maybe going against what is a culture but trying to come up with great achievements in life. What you can do when you pick this one is your best approach is to use it in conjunction with the extracting help approach.

The Atatürk approach.

Mustafa Kemal made an “alliance” with religious groups to have that alliance work for time he expected it to then move on to announce secularism instead of allowing religion to be the cornerstone of Turkish politics. Needless to say that he was a general, then a statesman who presided over Turkey from the post-World War settlements to 1939 and he abolished the caliph.

That approach where you stand a good sheep then change into what may be a wolf after you are enhanced by their support may be good for you as it may be selfish. Your big thing is to stay flat about your next move, because when you announce your next move before you make someone or something out of their help they surely take you down.

Tell them what they wanna hear, although what they may wanna hear may not be basically the truth.

“Are you still at the college?”

Yes!!!

But I had dropped out of college to silence the possibility of being lured into what I had thought to be a trap, the salary, then find no other means to go through it but to work towards my income through myself and finally get to believe in real bigger things in life. Keeping that lie on worked, although it’s not what I can encourage.

To them dropping out of college when you are the village’s fifth person to reach the university is a sin. But to me it was necessary. I committed the sin then kept it hidden just to look as a pure person and be what they can be willing to help.

Detach yourself from places to quickly adapt.

Maybe in your being misunderstood, you are being taken to places you don’t like, into fields of knowledge that are not necessary for you, into any terrain, physical or metaphorical, that are meaningless to you. Don’t begin by “I’m doomed!!” Begin by “What to do?” and “How to do it?”

Carpentry as an industry meant a lot in my life when I started by asking myself questions than telling myself something. It is where  I started to dream about building a big fish farming and processing industry. But I, at first, was detesting to with my uncle who is a carpenter.

Cooperate with the like others. You can find clues for your breakthrough.

By “like others” I mean people with varying knowledge and experience. If what you intend to make is all about resources, you can combine and make something bigger. Much of the things on this planet fail because they are done in competition throughout.

“Ok, Disney poured in $216 million on a movie, Lion King 2019,” I said.

“That can be enough to buy a capable cargo plane,” a friend next door and an aspiring journalist said.

“Do we need stunt schools to match the western industry one day?”

“No the West starting from around 2018, 2019 is sort of exporting a big share of its industry to Africa. And Netflix…”

Such a conversation is more enlightening to a person whose wish is to seriously end up in business and he cannot get it from a friend next door who talks about football on all occasions. (We talk about football a lot in Africa, to such an extent that a farmer may know all the transfers happening in a decade in European football instead of what a tonne of soybeans can sell for).

“You’re great. Be great!” Motivational words to boost your confidence.

Be great. Don’t wait to be given free. Free yourself from donors. For they are like a whetstone, they can give you the sharpness of the moment that isn’t in your make.

Starve yourself to be able to feed yourself. When you starve and believe that your starving can only end through you, you bring yourself to any rain and thunder and grow yourself through those few things you are and stand up.

Harden yourself through standing firm where others are being given free. Buying is not a shortcut. Shortcuts don’t lead to a destination you’ll love.

Let them be ahead. Let them build their houses. Don’t feel that you’re being left behind. Master building your foundation in the air so that you can be able to fly. Be great.

There are things in life you can only achieve after failing to admire those ahead and the means that got them ahead. They are things in life you can only achieve after admiring yourself and your capabilities. Success is failure to be unsuccessful.

There is always a person who is not up to his/her potential s/he isn’t adding up to the things going on in his/her life. When things are so, be not absent in your life. Stand up and tinker yourself like a smith tasked to supply swordsmen who are about to enter war but with not tools to begin with.

The biggest mountain you can move for yourself is you. You don’t wait for anoyone to move it, you don’t die trying move it, you do it to give to give your life what you intent to achieve. Be motivated by not having and having to have it through mostly yourself because you can be motivated to have more; and believe that more is not the ticket behind more; that it’s you behind more.

Help yourself. The rock is slippery. If you stretch another hand looking for one up above snatch it and help you up, you’re subtracting all you have to get the grip on that rock. It’s painful to be hopeless without the help from the one above you.

Help yourself. Don’t wait to be given free. Yourself is great. Make yourself great. Harden yourself and face the battle with sharpness that can last.

You are great. Be great.

Information: Advice and words said without knowing.

Read my Personal Diary, SubjectMe

We live in the world of information, where we can’t do without information, can’t avoid information, made better by information and or ruined by information.

To deal with something you can’t avoid learning to ignore what must be ignored quick and take what you must take in. Also, consider it the very much available information, the words people say about you when they say something about you face to face or first person to first person.

01May2021-Sat-11:45hrs. Mom called me into the kitchen hut and asked to settle for my first meal of the day as I seemed to have forgotten that I needed to eat while working in the garden in a very manual offensive, I, myself, having spent four of my hours between 10 pm and 5 am writing. I entered the kitchen hut where upon entering I was savaged with not-so-good words by mom’s friend (ten years older and once her labourer in the past, then now financially sound than her) my mom was having some good time with, her friend being a woman whose grownups assisted me with the USD100 (interest-free loan [my mom had to pay it back]) which my Informativus blog and my fish farming business got parts of their baby steps from. She helped a lot, confronted her sons with the words of how much I desperately needed that USD100 and said to them she was not going to leave ‘their home’ without it.

That aside.

I consider Bantu as one big language with sub-languages and sub-languages housing their own sub-languages and sub-languages of sub-languages having their own dialects.

Mine and her fall into one specific sub-group which includes (Barwe, Manyika, and the greater Shona) among Bantu languages. So, speaking in one sub-language of another sub-language (Manyika>Manyika of Shona) and her speaking in her own (a sub-language of Barwe) we can not only understand each other but express each other very deeply linguistically, without any need of killing parts of our languages that are not popular to both (only it takes some getting used to the way both of us speaks). Deriving it all from the word rombe, which she used, which would translate to a social outcast, one or ‘soul’ where ‘bad lucks’ are thrown in, such that materially the physical being housing that soul can not get to possess anything, she said something that would translate to, “Son, you don’t have to be in the garden after receiving the best education, it’s for the outcasts in the family”.

Rombe is a very spiritistic word which found its usage, where in many cases it shouldn’t, as moderation for ‘bad omened’ etc. She didn’t put in her linguistic fabric or sentences such words like mwanangu (my child, also used metaphorically) or its other variants but her voice was that of a parent or someone with the authority over me, that I as its target could not refuse or could not have any barriers to disconnect it from what’s a piece of advice.

After mom joined her in her assail arguing that I was taking a wrong direction, I calmly fired back like a son back with one of those lines running my mentality and, in other words, my seeing mind: “A salary when its fifty, its fifty. A profit or an outcome of a self-adventure when its zero you can work and think more, and you are free to, to get it to ten when zero is nothing to you, then from ten to two-hundred.

I motivated myself as I walked out of this stand-off, with a plate in my right palm filled with some thick porridge and a perfectly-cooked red-eye labeo fish, smocked beforehand, that one day I would be saying to my mom’s friend that I was not choosing a wrong path back then as an individual, and that, admitting my win, she would be saying, kusaziwa which would translate to, “I didn’t know.” Yeah, that herself did not know that if my starting in a garden after my coming from the university was the good path.

Here in this entry, I am not saying my path was right, but it was my choice, one to keep me happy in this life, and it was not bad. I was even happier earning zero dollars in that garden, but also hoping to change the odds and become someone in my future without the salary, than being a doctor at a government hospital at the same time, being as just my parents and friends wished. But there was a piece of advice. A piece of advice comes from experts and it is expected to have ten times the impact a suggestion could have.

Sometime we take seriously words from people who are not aware of the path we are attempting. To keep our patience glowing so that we may fare well in that path we shouldn’t. Because people can’t help but to have a word to say and say it confident enough as if they are right. They also say something without being right, without the information with which to claim or base their rightness.

Avoid a disaster don’t avoid people. Avoid toxic information, and way of seeing things that is against your path if you have nothing but great faith on your journey.

My mom’s friend wasn’t my enemy, she was the greatest helper in my life. It was her way of things that was not tally with what I intended to be. While two things in us tussled in the background, we both tolerated each other, had to work fine with each other. That created peace between us, and ensured that one generation (mine and me) could become successful through the help from the other (hers and her). What determined my success as a result of her helping hand was only a matter of how I took that help, analyse it only to have it or discard it. She helped financially. When in need of some advice I was with no choice but to put someone in that slot.

Her saying that I was becoming an ‘outcast’ was some sort of help. She was giving an advice, to have me quit my path and return to the right one. That advice even after she followed it with how she wanted to negotiate for me a better place at her son’s home in the town, her arguing that a town is a place for the educated like me, and the garden, where I was getting lost, was for people like her was not correct to my wrong path. I wanted not a place in the town. lt was I who only knew that my business plans wanted that cheaper rural land, to start my fish farming company, a peaceful rural home with electricity to build my blog, Informativus, instead of a crammed high-density corner of the city with a population density of over 10,000 on some forty-five square kilometres.

Low costs living the life, more money left, more meaningful business done, more money made and given away.

This is SubjectMe Impact.

This is impact from SubjectMe

In the darkest moments of my life, I open up my diary which is greatly digital now, and read for solutions. My diary is quite a big one, and I had to find means to share its little scraps with you.

The Impact edition of Socien’s personal diary shorten things for anyone without the need to read the full version of the diary, SubjectMe. You are never alone in the extremes, and you, me, him, her, can find a way out.

More motivational SubjectMe Impact entries


29 April, 2016

Catching and not having it in my hands

I caught a fish. My personal record, the biggest of its type I have ever seen coming out of our river. Stating why I couldn’t quite end up with it I picked a motivational offence.

Bringing the starting line to where you are

Of all the things that determine an outcome, that should make us super afraid when any outcomes of our undertakings are about to be spelled out time is big decider. We don’t quite have our hands over it, all this resulting in an approach which says the sooner the better so than we can have something better tangible sooner.

Not time specific